Sunday, 14 October 2012
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
Brandy
If you're afraid you'll gain weight, before eating, drink a glass of brandy. Brandy removes fear :)
Thursday, 27 September 2012
Donkey
Donkey walked through corn field. As it was great heat, corn began to bake. The donkey thought that a snow start tofalling, and then he freezed to deathf!
Enough room for both...
Two blondes are sleeping in one bed and there is not enough room for both of them.
One falls on the flor,then the other says:
- "Hey, come on, now there is room!
Blonde on quiz
Question: How much is 2 plus 2?
Blonde: 5
- Wrong, I'm sorry.
30 000 blonde starts yelling:
- Give her a chance, give it a chance ...
- OK ...
- How much is 2 plus 2?
Blonde: 3
- Incorrect! I'm sorry.
30,000 blondes:
- Give her a chance, give her a chance ...
- Yes, but only this one ...
question:
- How much is 2 plus 2?
Blonde (thinking, thinking, ...): 4
30,000 blondes:
- Give her a chance, give it a chance ...
Beautiful,smart and rich girl
I have a beautiful, smart and rich girl ..i prey that those 3 girls don't meat one another...
Fart!
Sometimes, when you smile, no one notices your smile ... Sometimes, when you cry, no one sees the tears you cried ... Try to fart!
.jpg)
Witch shoes?
It's not a problem for me as i have bags under my eyes, but i do not know witch shoes match with them.:/
My mom
...... My mom loves it when I come back at seven in the morning from the party, because then I tell her is it cold outside and should she wear warm clothes .......
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Tits and Heart
Why to play with woman's heart, it is only one .... play with her tits, they are two ...:)
.jpg)
Gays
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
A dollar
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you. hehe. :)
Opportunity
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
.jpg)
.jpg)
Wife says to her husband...
"Dear, we could go on a trip to Paris to see piramids. Oops I forgot that it was better to go to Egypt to see the Eiffel Tower"
Man's greates enemy
Alcohol is man's greatest enemy, and who runs away from his enemies is a coward!
50 euros...
Raise the 50 euro that fell out of that man's pocket! He picks them up....after a while .... so why have you trowned away your 50 euros????? So where did 50 euros has two zeros??? hahahah
My voice
When i'm sad,and i have problems,i start singing...then i realise my voice is worse than my problems...:)
Blinking
What blonde says first when a stranger calls her on the phone? "If I know you, blinke once, if not,blink twice": o
Our politicians
we eat cheese with holes ... we have cell phone without buttons ... we drive a car without a roof ... LONG LIVE THE RECESSION!!! :)
Child
Ended up pregnant women in the hospital and the baby is born, the doctor took the child to walk with him, and then drop the child on the head .. Again and again he took her child ,and it fell, and in his pocket he had a scalpel, the scalpel then stitches a child in the eye. doctor takes the child to woman and woman says: what you've done to my child?!?!?!?! The doctor says: i'm just joking,it has died at birth! :)
Global telecommunication
Wikipedia: "I know everything!" Google: "I have everything!" Internet: "Without me you can not be." Computer "HAHAHAHAHA, everyone here depends on me, and I do not on anybody!" Power "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA , really?! "Tesla:" Who's lying who here? "God," What? "Chuck Norris:" What what? " :)
All men are the same!
I hate it when girls say, "All men are the same!" ... So why you chose them then?
Mailman always ring twice...! :)
I wrote to her every day, and then she has connected with the mailman.
Unfortunate love...
A guy asks a girl in which he's unfortunate in love for a long time: - Tell me honestly, what are my chances with you? - Well, well, you're second in line. - Who's first? - Anyone. Hahahaha! :D
2 blondes...
I was standing in the square (near the fountain) when I saw two blondes. Says one: Let's photograph. Another said: wait,i just have to put on perfume.! :)
Boy and girl
The girl kissed 3 guys straight away is a slut, a guy get laid with 5 chicks and he's a legend!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
Badass
Do not mess with me because I know karate, kung fu, kick boxing, taekwondo and at least 47 other dangerous words.
The best joke in universe
Yesterday I was drinking with the Russians - I almost died. Today I drank with Croats - better that I died yesterday
Facebook-prison
Facebook is like a prison: you sit and waste time, write on walls and you get poked by people who you do not even know!
Studying
Friday afternoon: OK, I will learn the entire weekend ... Sunday evening: Oh fuck ... Oh fuck ... Oh fuckkkkkk!
Apple seeds
Justin Bieber asks Usher: Why do you eat apple seeds? From them i will be smarter. Justin asks: You want to give one to me? Yeah, but 6 seeds, 2 euros! When Justin ate 6 seeds ,he said: hey So you're just to expensive for 2 euros! I could buy a kilo of apples and would have even more seeds! And Usher will: you see Justine instantly you're geting smarter!
Drinking reasons
Some drink from joy, some from sadness, man, i'm drinking from this morning.hehe,lol
Work
Today I'm not doing anything, because I did not do anything yesterday, so I'm not finished yet. :)
Monday, 24 September 2012
Sending
She sends him a text message:
- My favorite, if you're sleeping send me your dreams, if you smile, send me your smile, if you cry, send me your tears. I love you!
He answes her:
- I'm sitting on the toilet. What do you want me to send?
Transvestite
Son comes to mom and asks, Mommy, Mommy, what's a transvestite?
She says: I do not know, son, there's your dad in the room, go and ask her.
Glasses
Blonde enters the store and asks:-Do you have glasses? - For the sun? She answers: Oh, nope, for me.
One for free
Blonde came into the store and sees the inscription - You buy two, the third free. She comes to the cash register and say - I will take this third for free.
Croatian Policeman
Croatian Policeman comes home and finds his wife naked in a bed. "I knew it! Where is he! I m going to kill you and him when I find him!" he shouts. He looks in the closet,nothing, looks in the bathroom,no one there,"I LL FIND YOU!!" he shouted, in the kitchen,in the livingroom, nothing. Finlly Policama looks under the bed and he see man holding a 100 dollars. "Damn!!, nothing under bed too but I ll find him" he said while taking the money.
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Sleeping....zzzzzzzzzzzzz....zzz.zz
All the girls would like to sleep with me,but i'm never so sleepy! :)))
Facebook drug dealer
I keep questioning myself, can you grow marijuana on Farmville,and then sell it on Mafia Wars?
OldSpice Facebook
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like
Daily needs
Daily needs:
Food: ▀▀▀ 5%
Water: ▀ 2%
Sleeping: ▀▀ 3%
Music: ▀▀▀▀ 10%
Facebook: ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ 80%
Food: ▀▀▀ 5%
Water: ▀ 2%
Sleeping: ▀▀ 3%
Music: ▀▀▀▀ 10%
Facebook: ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ 80%
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Blonde behind wheel
Blonde girl ran over a four people. Police stoped her,an asked: - Are you normal? You ran over four people! - She asked: And how much is allowed?
Croatian names
CRO NAMES TRANSLATED
BOY'S NAMES
Branimir - Protect and peace
Domagoj - Raised at home
Dubravko - Deep ravs (one for car enthusiasts)
Hrvoje - I'm Cro oi! (Croatia's version of Aussie, Aussie Aussie, oi, oi, oi)
Krešimir - Creche and peace?
Lovro - Love rowing?
Mijo - Inspired by rappers "Who Me Yo"
Mutimir - Quiet and peace the reverse of peace and quiet
Ratimir - War and Peace
Slaven - South end
Sreten - Happy
Trpimir - Patience and peace
Velimir - Doing well and peace
Vladko - To vladat is to be boss so its "Boss who?" or "Who's the Boss?"
Vjekoslav - Age and south
Zlatko - Gold who? or Who's Gold
Zvonimir - Ring in peace
Zvonko - The ringer or who is the ringer? or can be The Bell or Who is the Bell?
GIRL'S NAMES
Zlata - Gold
Zora - Sunrise
Višnja - Cherry
Jagoda - Strawberry
Ruža - Flower
Croatian dictionarry
DIRECT CROATIAN TO ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS
Mnogo sam se sekirao = I axed myself very much
Pricam sam sa sobom = I am talking alone with the room
Racunaj na mene = Calculate on me
Sta ima? = What has?
Ko te sljivi = Who plums you
Zasto da ne = Why yes no
Malo sutra = A little bit tomorrow
Dva jaja na oko = Two eggs on eye
Kad bih imao samo malo vise vremena = If I only had a little more weather
Ona je u drugom stanju = She is in second stage
Na licu mjesta = On the face of the place
Preveo ga zednog preko vode = He translated him thirsty across the water
Pucali smo od smijeha = We were shooting from laughter
Iz cista mira = Out of clean peace
Blago tebi = Treasure to you
Sve sto je izgubljeno moze se povratiti = Everything that is lost can be thrown up
Pop-pjevac = Priest-singer
Sve je gore i gore = Everything is up and up
Znam te koko dok si jaje bila = Chicken, i knew you while you were an egg
Kud puklo da puklo = Where cracked yes cracked
Ko o cemu, baba o ustipcima = Who about what, grandma about doughnuts
Vidjela zaba da se konji kuju pa i ona digla nogu = A frog had seen that horses were getting shoed, so she too lifted a leg
Zivi bili pa vidjeli = Let's be alive, and we'll see
Otis'o si, sarmu probo nisi = You've left before you tried stuffed cabbage
Croatian-terrorists
10 Reasons Why CROATIANS Can't Be Terrorists
10. 8:45am is too early for us to be up.
9. We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights. (Croatians are in their own time zone)
8. Pretty people on the plane distract us. (anything distracts us)
7. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves. (cursing everyone who is not Croatian)
6. Food and drinks were on the plane. (We would be dancing kolo or singing GANGE because we only drink rakija & Spek) and roast pig might take a bit longer to roast at 40000 feet. (mind you we eat anything) of course we would pack our own meals.
5. We talk with our hands, we would have put our weapons down.
4. We would all want to fly the plane.
3. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.!!!!!!!!! (and fight the entire time) cursing each other's relatives back 700 generations.
2. We would have put the CROATIAN flag on the windshield. (and have to paint the entire plane red, white and blue of course not leaving out the checkers)...
1. We would have told everyone a week before doing it. (and asking them to watch and tape the news brief for us)
Therefore we would not be good terrorists.
Chuck Norris and facebook
When Zuckerberger invented Facebook,he already had two friend requests. Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris - the new profile. Hehehe,lol. :P
Difference
-What is the difference between baby and grapefruit?
-they both give yuice when they are placed in blender...:P
-they both give yuice when they are placed in blender...:P
Lucky baby
Fortunately,baby has stuck on antenna with his eye...otherwise,he would fell from the 6-th floor. :P
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)